Uncertainties
by paddle-without-boat
Summary: Cid tries to ease Vincent into a relationship, but the task is far more difficult than he anticipated. CidVin yaoi.
1. Part 1

****

Author: LYK (Amethyst_Lover@hotmail.com)

Series: Final Fantasy 7

Title: Uncertainties (part 1)

Vincent sat perched on the edge of his bed, the soft blankets cushioning him. His thoughts were on the battle they had just fought, the look on Sephiroth's face as he died. 'Lucrecia's son...I killed him...' To Vincent, only he bore responsibility for Sephiroth's death. It was he, after all, who should have been protecting his love's child. He could have saved the silver-haired man from his fate. 'If only I hadn't been so selfish and slumbered for so long...' Black tresses fell into Vincent's eyes, which he closed in grief. 'Hojo and Sephiroth are dead...I have atoned for my sins, haven't I? Yet I still deserve to suffer...like you did, Lucrecia.' There were no tears this time, only the knowledge that he was destined to suffer alone in the world. 'I wonder if I will age or not. There's no one to tell me now that Hojo has been killed.' Vincent's fair limbs stayed utterly still as he contemplated his future, never even flexing. 

_Perhaps you'd be better off to die now, hm? It's what a creature like you deserves._ Chaos' rumbling voice echoed painfully in Vincent's skull. He winced, answering back aloud.

"If I die, so do you."

__

Stupid reasoning, Vincent. I AM you. The dark-haired man's resolve began to falter.

"You are not me. You are a creation of Hojo's implanted in my mind. You only exist to cause me agony."

_Perhaps I'll give someone else torment, then. Maybe...Cid Highwind?_

Vincent jolted, nearly falling back onto the bed.

"Leave him alone, Chaos! I swear by Lucrecia's grave that I'd die before I let you touch him!" He no longer cared that he was shouting aloud. The others were too busy to bother with him, anyway.

_Did I touch a nerve? I wonder how he'd look mutilated and covered in blood..._

"Stop..." Vincent whimpered, holding his head. The image of his only friend, dead by his very hands, tortured his soul.

"I won't let you...I won't let you hurt those I love..."

_You seem to do that quite well on your own, Vincent. What's one mortal life, after all. That pretty blonde hair soaked with blood, those blue eyes staring lifelessly..._

Vincent let out a tortured scream. "Leave him alone!!!! I won't let you touch him! I - " 

_You what? You want him? How pathetic. You deserve to die. _Chaos' laughter haunted the broken man, but at least the demon had gotten what it wanted from Vincent. He had been avoiding the subject for a long time, trying to forget how much Cid meant to him. Obviously, those feelings had grown into something untamable in that time, and Vincent could no longer deny it to himself. 

"Geez, you'd think that there'd be tons of cute guys hangin' around since we saved the world! And I bet they'd all have materia, too!"

Cid grunted at Yuffie's words.

"Too fuckin' delusional, kid. Go get yerself a street whore or somethin to annoy." 

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Sure thing, _Captain_. You want me to bring a boy home for you?"

Yuffie ran away laughing as she dodged Cid's flight goggles. They flew past her and barely missed Vincent, who had just stepped into the doorway. Cid cursed, looking at his friend.

"Shit! I'm sorry, Vin! Fuck! That little bitch just don't know when to stop, though."

Vincent nodded, standing in the room uneasily. The pilot narrowed his eyes.

"Somethin' botherin' ya, Vin? Ya wanna talk about it?" Cid had never been good with emotions, but he felt like he should be there for his friend. After all, the only people who could really put up with him were Vincent and Shera. The dark-haired man sighed inaudibly.

"I would rather not speak with you about it right now, Highwind. I simply came to see if you needed company...?"

Cid nearly laughed at Vincent's meekness. 'Poor guy, just can't accept that I don't think he's a burden.' He grinned, waving his hand toward a chair.

"Hell, sure! Have a seat, huh? Ya want anythin'? This ain't as cozy as my room, but it'll have ta do for now." Cid nearly slapped himself at his words. 'What the hell does _that_ mean?! Ya sound like yer on a fuckin' date or somethin.' He cleared his throat and took a seat near his companion. Vincent looked at the wooden floor, lost in thought as usual. Finally, he raised his head slightly.

"Highwind, what will you do now that our mission is over?" He looked at the older man's blue eyes after he spoke. Cid forced himself to look away, scratching his head.

"Shit, Vin, you ask the hardest crap, ya know. Gee...I guess I'll just go back ta Rocket Town an' deal with Shera's shit like always. Pretty fuckin' boring though if ya ask me. How bout you, cape boy?"

Vincent sighed sorrowfully. "I have nowhere to go. I cannot go back to the mansion...Unless I wish to continue my slumber." He jumped at the loud bang of Cid's fist against the wall.

"Like hell yer goin' back to that shithole! You can stay with me if ya want, I don't care. But you ain't never goin' back to that mansion, ya hear me?! No way!"

Blinking, Vincent finally nodded. 

"I don't wish to be an encumbrance to you or Shera, Highwind. I'm sure I can find somewhere to stay..."

"Dammit, Vin! Ya can't just accept a little kindness from a friend?!"

The pale man lowered his head and spoke softly.

"Creatures...like me have no friends, Highwind..."

Cid growled, rising from his chair and crouching in front of the ex-Turk.

"That's bullshit, Vin. You ain't no fuckin' creature. You're one of the most real people I've ever met! I don't care what ya say, cause I'm your friend and whatever else ya need me ta be. You can't just get rid of ole Cid Highwind that easily!" 

Vincent felt himself blush at the pilot's words. '...he doesn't understand the situation...' 

"Highwind...it is...more complicated than you think."

Cid growled from behind a newly lit cigarette. "If it's so fuckin' complicated, then why don't ya explain it to me, Vin?! You can't keep shit to yerself forever, ya know!"

The ex-Turk looked at his friend sorrowfully. He stood, head low.

"I think it best that I leave, Highwind. I do not belong here." He began toward the door, when a hand grabbed his arm. Instinctively, Vincent brought his claw-arm up, stopping himself when he realized that it was only Cid. The gruff man was undaunted, however.

"Ya ain't goin' nowhere!"

Vincent pulled himself sharply from the pilot's grasp. 

"I advise that you not try to stop me. I...don't want to have to harm you, Highwind..."

With those words, Vincent walked from the room and out of Cid's life.

"Ya know, if you don't get off the _Highwind_ now and then, you'll melt into your pilot chair!" Yuffie wiggled her finger in Cid's face to reiterate her point. It had been two weeks since Vincent left, and the gruff man had not once left his ship. Tifa had forced Yuffie to stay there with him out of concern. Unfortunately, for the first time, Yuffie was having trouble getting a rise out of the pilot. Sighing, she reclined in the chair next to Cid, tilting her head thoughtfully.

"Hey, c'mon dude...I dunno _why_ you're sulking like this...well, I know it's 'cause Vinny's gone, but I'll just leave it at that for now. But listen - you can't just sit here and waste away! You're Cid Highwind, dammit! Go and...um..._fix something_! Yeah - do what you do best!"

Cid looked at Yuffie blandly, taking a drag off his cigarette. "Go back ta Wutei. Just leave me the fuck alone, will ya?!" He jerked his gaze back to the wall, staring into space sadly. 'Vin...why'd ya go and leave me here? What'd I _do_?? Where the hell'd you _go_?'

The dry air parched his lips, the heat burning at his sensitive flesh. Crimson eyes stared up at the light sky, no clouds to occupy him. Vincent pulled his cape around him more, ignoring the unbearable heat that it caused. 'Why does it have to be this way? I wish he understood...' Vincent cursed himself. 'How could he understand? Such sick things I've found myself contemplating...Someone like Cid would never understand, and I'd lose my only companion...'

_You lost him when you left, genius. Did you see the look on his face?_

Vincent closed his eyes, trying to block Chaos from his mind. 

"He's better off without me there to complicate things. He has Shera, who loves him, to keep him company. My presence would only cause the situation to deteriorate." He heard Chaos snicker.

_If THIS is a 'salvaged situation', then you're more screwed over than I thought._

"Cid Highwind would not be receptive to my emotions, and being near him would only heighten what I feel..."

_What do you feel? Quit being a coward and admit that you want him. You want -_

"I want nothing but his friendship." The raven-haired man sighed.

__

Still lying to yourself, Valentine?? Deceiving yourself like you did when you thought Lucrecia loved you?

Vincent winced at Chaos' words, but felt his heart drop at their truth. 'She never loved me - so why would Cid? _Especially_ Cid...'

"I'm just being realistic."

_You don't know until you try. Of course, if you want nothing to do with him, I can always use him to sharpen my skills on..._

The pale man sat up slightly. "It won't work - I won't hurt him like that, nor will I hurt myself by entertaining such thoughts of happiness...so stop pestering me. It isn't as if it should matter to _you_, anyway. Am I right?"

_......................................._

Cid Highwind's sleep was restless, thoughts of his absent companion haunting his every breath. Vincent was in his dreams, his thoughts, and Cid realized that he didn't want to go back to Rocket Town until he found the icy man. In his dream, Cid was sitting in a room with Vincent, the walls and floor made of simple wooden planks. The slender man stood out beautifully, elegant and exotic in Cid's atmosphere.

__

"Cid...there's something I need to talk about..."

The blonde pilot nodded, smoking his cigarette comfortably. Vincent shifted, his eyes nervous.

"I've been having these...thoughts...I don't know how to react to them. They're..." He glanced at Cid. "They're about you..."

Cid's breath caught in his throat, his heart speeding up. "Yeah...?"

Vincent nodded, sighing. "The truth is, well...if I didn't know any better, I'd say that I was falling for you..."

****

The blonde pilot was aware of how uncharacteristically his dreams portrayed the dark man, but that thought only entered his mind after he awoke from such dreams. Whenever he thought of his dreams, Cid felt a strange shuddering pain in his chest. He shrugged it off, sitting up and lighting a cigarette. The smooth burning of the tobacco eased his edginess, allowing him to collect his thoughts. 'Jesus fuckin' christ...How long am I gonna have ta deal with this shit?! Fuckin' vampire asshole...fuck...' 

The door creaked slightly as Yuffie invited herself into Cid's room, holding one of her hands behind her back.

"Uh, hey Chief? I thought you might be interested ta know - " She brought her hand into view, the cold steel of the _Death Penalty_ gleaming in the moonlight.

"Jesus fuckin' christ, Yuffie! Where the fuck'd you get that?!"

The petite ninja just winked at him. "It was in Vinny's room. What kinda idiot just goes off forever and _happens_ to leave their most prized possession behind...?" She grinned and set the gun on a chair, leaving quietly (for once). Cid let out a half-hearted curse, fumbling with the covers and walking over to the chair. He knelt in front of it, holding Vincent's gun in his hands delicately. 'Stupid bastard, ain't no way you'd forget this...what the hell are you up to, though...?'

Vincent stumbled along the path back to the _Highwind_, his long black hair plastered to his pale skin. The sun glared down upon him mercilessly as he walked, causing him to nearly overheat. 

'I'm only going back to get my gun. Once I have the _Death Penalty_ back, I will once again be on my way...' he told himself as he grew nearer to the airship.

_Quit fooling yourself, Valentine. You of all people would never FORGET your most prized possession. Neither of us is stupid here, you know. Admit that you wanted to have a reason to go back, or I'll - _

'Just stop it, Chaos. I'm almost there. I will retrieve my gun, and go.'

Vincent paused as he reached the ladder to the _Highwind_. He looked up at the deck for several minutes before resigning himself to his task. Climbing slowly up the ladder, he closed his eyes and prepared himself for Cid's anger and how he would manage to leave without having to physically hurt the man.

Cid sat in the chair near the door to his room, turning the gun over in his hands. 'What kinda idiot indeed...' Grudgingly, he told himself to thank Yuffie when he got the chance. 'Finally the little bitch did something good.' He sighed softly, not moving from where he had been sitting for nearly an hour. What if Vincent _didn't _come back? What if leaving the gun was his way of saying goodbye? Cid frowned, disturbed by the thought. 'Damn dreams have me paranoid...' He jumped as he heard the door creak slightly. Momentarily, he debated whether to go for his spear or the _Death Penalty_, which was closer. Before he had time to decide, however, Vincent's form appeared in the doorframe. The man's unruly hair framed his face softly, his crimson eyes staring dispassionately at Cid. The latter blinked, slightly relaxing his frame.

"What the fuck do you think yer doin, leavin' this fuckin' ship and then just waltzing back in?! Ya got some fuckin' nerve, Vin!"

Vincent sighed softly, lowering his head. "I have come for my weapon. I shall leave once it is retrieved."

Cid growled. "Like hell you will! After all of this - goin' after Shinra, fightin' Hojo, beatin' Sephiroth...you're just gonna fuckin' _leave_ like that?! Well let me tell you, Vin, that I ain't so easy ta get rid of!"

The genuine hurt in the pilot's voice made Vincent flinch, lowering his head further to hide his expression.

"Highwind...I do not belong here. I have murdered Lucrecia's son...I must atone - "

"Fuck that!" Cid grabbed Vincent's arm. "Like hell you don't belong here! There's no one that fucking belongs here _more_! Shit, if I could get ridda Yuffie..." Realizing what he was planning to say, Cid let his words edge away, leaving only an awkward silence. He realized that he was still holding the somber man's arm, but he only stepped closer.

"Vin...I don't know what the fuck I did to make ya so pissed, but I'm sorry, alright? The last thing I want is for ya to go runnin' off to hate yerself. I don't know _why_ you'd wanna hate yourself...you're beautiful..."

Vincent blinked in surprise, jerking his arm away instinctively. Cid cursed to himself, looking away with a pained expression.

"Highwind..." Vincent began softly, but was interrupted.

"Shit, forget I said that. I didn't say that...Look, you're not ta blame for Sephiroth bein' so goddamned fucked up, okay? Let it go, Vin. It ain't your fault. Stop blamin' yourself for everything." Cid sighed, leaning against the wall. Vincent stared at him for several minutes, torn between taking his gun and leaving or asking Cid what he wanted to know. He sighed.

"Highwind...why...did you say that I'm beautiful? I don't deserve such - "

The pilot turned and looked at his companion, cutting him off.

"Bullshit. You deserve everything. Shit, you deserve more than I can give ya..." Cid realized that he had spoken his thoughts aloud again, and closed his eyes tightly. "Look Vin...if you wanna take off that fuckin' badly, I'm not gonna stop ya. It's up to you. I...I just don't wanna lose my best friend." 

Vincent hesitated, weighing the options in his mind. _...more than I can give ya...you're beautiful..._ The words echoed in his head as he watched Cid. The pilot seemed to be waiting for a blow. His body was drawn in upon itself and his eyes were closed painfully.

"You look like a man in defeat," Vincent stated softly. Cid laughed, his eyes still closed.

"Yeah, well I fuckin' feel like one, too. Hell, I haven't felt this fuckin' confused in my entire fuckin' life..." He sighed, and the caped man took a careful step forward.

"I don't mean to cause you pain, Highwind. I do not know what it is that is causing you such pain...but my presence seems to exasperate it. Perhaps it is best if I leave..."

With his head lowered, Cid nodded. He bit his lip gently, and Vincent realized that the man's cheeks were damp. The dark-haired man was taken aback by the pilot's uncharacteristic display of vulnerability. Struggling with his own emotions, Vincent approached Cid.

"...Highwind...I'm not going anywhere right now. I'm sorry to have upset you. I didn't think...I didn't think that I mattered so much to anyone."

Cid's voice came out cracked and hoarse. "Why the fuck do ya want to leave so goddamn badly, anyway? Ain't it good enough for you here?"

Vincent fiddled with his claw-arm in apparent nervousness.

"Actually, Highwind...I left because I feared for your safety." When the other looked at him, he continued. "Chaos wants nothing but my suffering...he has realized that my...feelings for you...are the best way to cause me pain. I fear that he will force me to harm you, and if I did that..." Vincent lowered his eyes. "I would want nothing but to die if I ever hurt you."

Cid blinked, wiping his eyes quickly. His heart was beating fiercely. 'Vin...'

Hesitating, the pilot took a step toward the man, fearing rebuke. Instead, however, he was greeted with a frightening lost look in Vincent's crimson eyes. The pain he saw in their depths made Cid want to cry out, to hold his friend to him. 

"Shit, Vin...I don't know what to say...I..." he realized that the only option left to him was the truth. "I don't want to lose you, Vin, but I don't want ya to fuckin' hate me either. I thought that you weren't comin' back, and it scared the hell outta me. It hurt so much...to wonder why you left, what I did wrong...You blame yerself for everything, Vin, but nothin' that's happened has been your fault. Lucrecia knew her options. She was a fuckin' fool to leave you like she did. She was one helluva lucky woman to have _you_ love her. I wish I could be that lucky..." Cid sighed deeply, prepared to be scoffed at for his admission. 

Vincent was silent for several minutes. He closed his eyes, his heart pounding in his chest. The emotions he'd been feeling for Cid rushed through him, making his head spin. The man's words swirled through his mind over and over. Chaos snickered.

_What an idiot. He thinks that you're actually WORTH caring for. Why don't you let me kill him now??_

Vincent frowned to himself. 'Why do I _want_ him to touch me...? Being around me will only cause him to suffer. But why do I need his touch so desperately right now?' He looked up at Cid, who was apparently crying again. He mentally berated himself as he realized that he had been silent for over five minutes.

"Highwind..." The blonde pilot looked up at his friend painfully. "Highwind...I...I don't know what to say..."

Cid shook his head dismissively. 

"Forget it, Vin. Just don't worry about it. You...you don't gotta say nuthin'. I already know what you'd say, so just forget this ever happened..."

'I don't _want_ to forget,' Vincent thought. Still, he felt like his body was frozen. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't move closer to Cid Highwind. 

"No," he whispered. "I won't forget...I don't want to forget. But I...I would only end up harming you. I won't allow such a risk to be taken. I won't allow myself to bring you pain."

Cid laughed bitterly. "Shit, Vin, do ya think I'm fuckin' _happy_ right now? Don't worry about pain - I don't think it gets much fuckin' worse than this. I just wish I fuckin' knew what to do so you'd see that..." He shakily pulled out a new cigarette and lit it. "Just go, will ya? If you refuse ta stay, then go. Jesus fuckin' christ, Vin, that bastard Chaos can't fuckin' hurt me. You wouldn't let 'em. You may not believe in yerself, but dammit, I do!" Angry blue eyes met guilty crimson momentarily. 'If I let him go now, the dumb bastard won't come back,' Cid thought. He cursed, stomping over to Vincent until he was standing directly in front of him. Looking up at him slightly, Cid ran his palm over the man's cheek. Vincent shivered but unconsciously melted into the touch. Smirking slightly, Cid very slowly leaned up and kissed his friend's soft lips. The taller man jerked back after a moment in shock. Cid, determined as ever, glared at the man.

"Don't you dare pull back again. Don't you fuckin' do it." Having said that, he once again leaned in. Weary of his words, Vincent reluctantly let Cid kiss him. He stood rigidly as the man's lips touched his. The pilot's mouth was warm against his, surprisingly soft and careful. When Cid's hand came up and gently grasped his upper arm, Vincent made a pained noise and relented. He pressed against the smaller man's lips desperately, clutching his shirt. Cid's arms wrapped around Vincent in a comforting embrace. Their mouths melted together, hearts racing faster than a chocobo. Vincent felt his body meet Cid's, and realized that they were both very much close to loosing their wits. He struggled with his heart and body, desperately trying to convince himself to break away. He felt Cid's mouth open slightly against his, sending a surge of desire through his thin body. He whimpered, pushing Cid away from him forcefully. Vincent stumbled slightly, doubled-over and panting hard. The blonde man stared at him for a moment, his own cheeks flushed and mind spinning.

"Shit...Vin..." He started to take a step forward, but the former Turk backed away.

"Highwind...don't..." He righted himself, regaining his composure. "This is not a good idea. Despite your claims of not being concerned, Chaos is far more a threat than you realize. I apologize if I am hurting you, but I cannot risk your life. Please understand this. I must leave now." He stepped past Cid, retrieving his weapon and carefully holstering it. Cid abruptly punched the wall, causing Vincent to jump. 

"Mother fucker! Dammit, Vin, I told ya I'm not worried 'bout that bastard! You just can't let a good thing happen, can you? You've gotta fuckin' hide from it like it's a damn plague! Can't you understand that I'm not gonna give up on yer broodin' ass?! You think you can just walk outta here and it'll all go away, huh. Well let me tell ya, it won't work. If I have to, I'll follow your ass to the fuckin' grave! I ain't lettin' you go, Vin..."

Vincent blinked, shaking his head slightly. "Whatever it is you think you feel for me...must be mistaken. You will see that once you have time to think, Highwind. I am not worth mourning over." He turned toward the door, pausing for a moment. His sigh was barely audible as he opened the door and left. The door closed with a soft click, leaving Cid standing there in dismay. 'The idiot...he just don't get it. Fuckin' moron...' Cursing under his breath, Cid barged out of the room to find Yuffie.

__

He'll hate you now. You've pushed him away forever. Why would he want you after you act so callous toward him.

"I'm sure you are correct, Chaos. It is for the best...he will see that eventually. He simply needs a bit of time to...get over his confusion."

_Confusion, really? He seemed quite sure of what he wanted in that room..._

"............Are you finished tormenting me yet?"

_Never. Since you have no use for that man, however, perhaps I WILL use him to practice on after all..._

Vincent stopped walking abruptly, furrowing his brows.

"Are you saying that if I do not accept his...feelings for me...you will hurt him? Yet, if I accept him, you'll harm him anyway, won't you?"

_...........perhaps. Or perhaps not. _

Vincent frowned. "Then how am I supposed to know what to do if you threaten him either way?" Chaos remained silent for a long time, much to Vincent's relief and worry. 

_Do what you want, but just remember this - you'll never be rid of me. No matter what you do for your entire existence, I shall always be here to torment you._

"What do you mean 'go after him'? Are you off yer rocker, old man? Like you could even _find_ him with your geriatric vision." Yuffie crossed her arms. Cid puffed on a cigarette, glaring at her.

"That's so fuckin' funny, kid. Remind me to laugh next time. And we're gonna find him 'cause I ain't lettin' it be any other way. We're gonna find Vincent. We. Meaning both of us."

Yuffie rolled her eyes.

"Gee, that would be the definition of 'we', wouldn't it?" She grinned at the pilot.

"Ya know, Captain, it's..._interesting_...just how concerned you are 'bout Vinny. I mean...I think it's cute, ya know? Kinda romantic...in a way. Like, I don't have nuthin' against it...it's sweet. But you might wanna be careful about Cloud and Barrett. They don't seem to be the type to understand those sorts of things, ya know?"

Cid stared at the petite girl. "Yuffie, what the fuck are you talkin' about?!"

She rolled her eyes, grinning knowingly.

"Come ON, dude! Like it isn't obvious to me! I mean, you two are obviously very close. *Friends* usually look out for one another, right?" She made quotations with her fingers to illustrate her point. 

"It ain't like that..." Cid responded gruffly. 'And a little bit angrily,' Yuffie realized. She blinked, watching him closely. Her tone went serious.

"I'm sure it'll work out. I mean, Vinny's just afraid of gettin' close to people, right? But I can tell that you really mean a lot to him...and he means a lot to you, too. You guys can't keep runnin' around in circles forever, ya know. If you keep at it like you've been, he'll realize that you really care about him; that he's worth the attention. Er...it might help if ya toned down the yelling and cussin' a bit. This IS Vin we're talkin' about, after all." She winked, giving him a thumbs up.

Cid coughed, looking slightly embarrassed. He waved the girl away, leaning back and closing his eyes. 'Where would I go if I was a fuckin' brooding vampire...fuck.'

Vincent smoothed his cape under him, sitting on the hard stone floor of the cave. He lowered his head, not bothering to look around at a place so familiar to him. His thick hair fell to hide his face.

_She can't hear you anymore, Vincent._

"I realize that."

_Then who's going to help you? Who's going to save you from me? From yourself?_

Vincent sighed. "No one..." He closed his eyes behind his raven hair. 'Lucrecia...I haven't felt this alone is so long...you're gone from me for good now. I have nowhere to be, no one who can understand how I feel...' Vincent slowly went from picturing his lost love in his mind to picturing Cid Highwind. He ran the pilot's words and expressions through his mind once again, trying to make sense of it. 'Why would he want to be with me so badly? Doesn't he realize how much of a monster I am...? Why would he want something as vile as myself?' He kept going over Cid's words. 'I am none of the things he claims...why does he insist that I'm worthy of him...of anyone?'

_He's a fool, right? One of the only people you trust happens to be a complete idiot. Is that your reasoning, Vincent? Is that the truth? How pathetic._

Vincent frowned. "I never said he was an idiot, Chaos. I just-" 

_You just keep running away like the coward that you are. You're right, he DOESN'T deserve you. No one deserves such a burden as yourself. And why are you suddenly so interested in a man? Don't you disgust people enough as it is?_

"...I don't want to speak of this right now."

_Think you have a choice? If you get angry enough, I can break free from here, inhabit you...destroy Cid Highwind. I suggest you speak when I tell you to._

"If you claim to be a part of me, then why must I answer such questions. If you truly were me, you would already know these answers. Furthermore, if you ever make an attempt to harm him, I will kill myself. I will make sure that there isn't enough of me left to allow you to transform. You are to leave him be, understood? I will accept nothing else." The demon inside Vincent's mind grumbled, but didn't say much in argument. It struck the dark-haired man as odd that Chaos had taken such an interest in his relationship with Cid. He was wary of this, and reminded himself that the demon always had a motive behind his actions. 

Cid kept his eyes on the sky ahead of him, totally absorbed in the flight. Yuffie sat in the back of the _Highwind_ tossing around a 'fire' materia. She was, despite her airsickness, sitting atop a large crate. She did, however, look rather ill.

"How _far_ is this stupid cave anyhow? It's kinda stuffy in here ya know!"

Cid ignored her, instead occupying his mind with thoughts of Vincent. 'I'm gonna find you, Vin. If I gotta tie yer ass up, I don't care - I'm _not_ letting you go again. You gotta face reality now, pal. Can't just go runnin' away every time life throws some shit at you.' He glanced backwards at Yuffie's exaggerated groans. She blinked.

"DUDE! Watch what you're doing!!!!! Holy shit!!!"

The pilot turned back toward the front just in time to see a mountain cap ahead of them. He cursed loudly, frantically tilting the plane so they wouldn't hit it. Yuffie shouted as she was thrown from atop the crate. The 'fire' materia flew from her hands, hitting the floor with a sharp crack several yards away from her. The shattered materia began to glow dangerously, and exploded several seconds later, engulfing the airship in flames.

Vincent was awoken the next day by someone shaking him and yelling. He blearily opened his crimson eyes, finally adjusting on the image of a very distressed Tifa. She shook him until he sat up.

"Vincent! Hurry up! I've been trying to wake you up for ten minutes! Get up, you have to come with us - the _Highwind_ crashed and-"

Vincent didn't hear the rest of her words. His blood ran cold and his heart felt as if it would burst in horror. 'Cid.....Cid! Oh gods....Cid...' He scrambled to his feet, running out of the cave. He mounted the chocobo Tifa had ridden up on, ignoring the woman's worried protests. The bird flew down to where Cloud and the others were as quickly as Vincent could force it to. He jumped off of the chocobo and grabbed Cloud's collar desperately. 

"What happened?! Where is he?!"

The young man balked and shrugged Vincent off uneasily. He scratched his hair.

"The airship crashed...it seems that it was flying this way and they had to swerve to miss a cliff...Yuffie had a 'fire' materia and it cracked. The back half of the ship exploded..." Red XIII stepped forward to take over.

"Due to the explosion, the _Highwind_ quickly plummeted to the ground below. Fortunately, Cid wasn't flying very high in the air. Both Cid and Yuffie are in the hospital in Kalm right now. Cid has a broken arm and several nasty cuts, but he was barely burned at all. Yuffie...was closer to the explosion and has not only a broken collar bone but is slightly burned. She is in what they are calling 'critical' condition at the moment." 

Vincent sighed slightly. "I have to go see them," he stated. Cloud blinked, while Red XIII nodded and led him to the Tiny Bronco.

The hospital frightened Vincent, who kept his claw-arm hidden beneath his cape. He glanced around nervously as Tifa led him first to Cid's room. She paused outside of the doorway. 

"Relax, no one here's going to do anything to you. I'm sure Cid will be glad to have a visitor he can actually put up with. Yuffie's room is right down the hall, room 312. I'll be speaking with the doctor if you need anything." She gave him a reassuring smile, turning and walking back down the hallway. Vincent lowered his head, slowly opening the door. He stepped inside, hesitating when he saw the pilot. Cid's arm was in a white sling, and he had several thick bandages wrapped around his other arm and one hugging his neck. He looked up with tired eyes, surprise on his features at seeing Vincent. Cid coughed slightly.

"Well holy fuck...look who came ta visit me. So they found ya at that damn cave? I figured...I was on my way there when that fuckin' mountain jumped in front of us...heh." He watched Vincent with a curious shimmer in his eyes.

"So you came to see me, huh?" 

"Of course! It is, after all, my fault that this occured..."

Cid blinked. "How the fuck is this _your_ fault?! You weren't even there!"

"That is precisely why it is my fault. If I hadn't run away from you again, this wouldn't have happened. It seems that no matter what I do, I end up bringing you pain..."

"Vin...knock it off. You know that self-blame shit ain't gonna work on me. I made the choice to go after your ass, and only I can claim responsibility for fuckin' crashin'. Hell, it was Yuffie's fuckin' materia that started the fire - you could blame her, too. The point is, you weren't even there! So why don't ya cut the crap and give me a nice, friendly visit here."

Vincent lowered his eyes. 'But it is my fault...if I hadn't acted so asinine, you would have had no reason to go searching for me.' He stood in uncomfortable silence, until finally Cid spoke.

"Vin, get yer pale ass over here. I wanna talk to you." 

The brooding man hesitantly went to sit by the pilot's bedside. The serious look in those baby blue eyes unnerved him.

"I'm only gonna say this once. If ya don't care, then you won't ever hear my bullshit again, alright? But I'm serious here, Vin. I won't say this again if it goes wrong. I wouldn't have fuckin' kissed you or argued so much if I didn't care 'bout ya. People do shit like that when they care about someone. And don't you expect me ta stop that shit, cause I'll _never_ stop caring about you. If you think this is easy for me to say, Vin, you're way fuckin' off. I've never opened up to anyone, even Shera. And I fuckin' live with that bitch. But there's somethin' about you...something that makes me feel like I can relax, fuckin' let go of all my shit and just talk to you. If you give a damn about what I'm sayin' here, Vin, you'll do the same. If you can't let someone in, you'll never _have_ anyone to let in. Get it? Yer too fuckin' stuck in the past. Now, you can accept what I've just said and agree with me, or you can reject me - again. I won't ever say a goddamn word of this again if you say 'no', so don't worry about that. It's yer choice, Vin, but you'd better realize that if you weren't who you are, we wouldn't be here havin' this argument." Cid cursed, fumbling with a cigarette from the pack he'd hidden under his hospital pillow. Not finding anything to light it with, he grumbled and let it rest between his lips. He glanced up at Vincent, whose raven head was lowered. 'That can't be a good sign,' Cid thought. 

"Cid...I don't deserve you. You should have someone who can give you what you need, not some..._monster_ such as myself. I - "

"Vin," the pilot interrupted gently, "let me _prove_ to you that you're more than worthy of me. Hell, I'm the one who should be fuckin' bowing at yer feet. Just give me a chance. You never know until you try, and if it don't work, we won't hafta dwell on the 'what if' shit. C'mon...I know you want to let me in. Am I gonna have ta take this spear and jam it into that ice shield ya got around you?"

Vincent smiled slightly, looking cautiously up at his friend. Cid was grinning, bandaged with an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth. This made Vincent smile even more. He sighed forlornly. 

"...Very well, Highwind. I shall give you your chance and attempt to play my own part in it." Vincent blinked as the blonde man gave him a disapproving look.

"Great. Now you'd better start callin' me Cid. You did it once, I know you can do it again. It ain't that hard. Hell, even Cloud's _hair_ is harder than that."

Vincent raised his eyebrow. "...Cloud's hair is harder than _everything_, Cid."

"Ha! I knew you could do it. And a sense of humor ta boot. Damn, I am one lucky bastard." He winked, causing the very pale Vincent to blush.

"Heh...ya know, Vin, I think I can give you just what you need..."


	2. Part 2

**Note: Due to this site's policies (ie. account deletion), this is the watered-down version. Personally, I think oral sex counts as an R rating, but I'm not willing to risk it. The complete version can be found on my website. **

* * *

**It was more difficult than Cid expected. Although Vincent had tentatively agreed to test out a relationship, the stoic man was not easily won over. 'Stupid me, thinking that he'd just fall into my fuckin' arms.' The stout man lit up a cigarette, inhaling the fumes appreciatively. He was standing outside the hospital at which Yuffie was still a patient. Her wounds were serious, requiring intensive recuperation time. He felt a pang of guilt as he thought about the accident. Sure, it had been her materia that caused the explosion, but he had been flying the plane. 'Great fuckin' hero I turned out to be,' Cid thought bitterly. He ignored the wind that beat at his back, threatening to extinguish his cigarette. He sighed, tossing the butt to the ground and crushing it under his boot.**

**

* * *

**

Vincent shivered underneath the down quilt on Cid's bed. He had stayed the previous night, although only with much cajoling. He had recognized the disappointed look in Cid's blue eyes when he insisted on sleeping on the couch. He could have slept in Shera's old room, since she had previously moved out. When Cid left for the hospital, he had forced Vincent to take over his bed, insisting that it would be more comfortable for him. The pale man had reluctantly agreed, but only because he would be alone. He now burrowed under the covers for warmth, wishing that he indeed had Cid there to keep him warm. 'Or at least make a fire,' he mused. Vincent shifted, trying to keep his long raven hair away from his eyes.

Over the past two weeks, Cid had gone out of his way to woo him, bringing him flowers, late-night trips to the park, even convincing him to go out to dinner. During that incident, Cid had done his utmost to make Vincent feel at ease, glaring at diners whose wayward stares would make the sensitive man sink in his chair. In turn, the ex-Turk had tried to be amicable, going along with most of Cid's plans, trying to smile when deemed appropriate. Still, Vincent couldn't help but shrink away from the man's affections, he thought guiltily.

* * *

Cid entered the dim hospital room, lit by a single mellow lamp. He eased closer to the bed silently, carefully pulling up a chair as not to wake the sleeping girl. He sighed, gazing down at her. Yuffie's eyes were shut tightly, her brows furrowed as she dreamed. Her burns lie before him like a lewd magazine. Cid flinched, turning his eyes away from the injuries. ' Fuckin' materia,'he thought angrily. 'Thank the fuckin' gods that Vin wasn't in that plane.' He fumbled for a cigarette then cursed, letting his hands fall into his lap. Goddamn hospital rules. He wasn't sure how long to stay at the hospital. It would get boring rather fast, considering that Yuffie was unconscious still. 'Two weeks...' Cid sighed, shaking his head absently.

"You'd better get well soon, kid. We're countin' on ya to surprise us like usual," he said softly, laying his palm on the girl's raven head. Restlessly, Cid stood and walked to the door, hesitating before closing it behind him. 'Better get home so I can have a fuckin' smoke.'

* * *

Vincent heard the front door open and footsteps. The cursing followed, and he knew that Cid had returned. Wiggling slightly out from under the blankets, Vincent prepared himself. 'I'm acting like I have to protect myself,' he realized. 'But I do...don't I?'

"She's still sleepin'," the gruff man said as he entered the room, throwing down his goggles and reaching for a cigarette. Vincent watched as the lighter flared and illuminated the tobacco stuffed inside the paper, making it glow orange. 'Like the flames from the _Highwind_.' He shuddered. Cid took notice, sitting beside him and turning his pale blue eyes to his companion.

"You alright, Vin? It's kinda cold, ain't it. Ya want me to get some more blankets?"

The former Turk shook his head.

"...I should be getting back to the couch now, Cid."

The blonde man blinked, hiding the flash of pain in his eyes.

"Ah, yeah...I'll get ya some blankets for yer room, then. Don't want ya freezin' to death." He smiled slightly, sadly, and went to retrieve the blankets. Vincent lowered his head and eyes, guilt eating at him. He had seen the pain in Cid's eyes, the disappointment. He ran his slender, pale fingers over his claws, feeling the shock of cold that resulted. The red and gold metal was freezing, so much colder than the air.

Cid returned several minutes later, a proud look on his rough face.

"There ya go, nice toasty blankets for the beauty. If ya need more, let me know." He hesitated for a moment because Vincent was still sitting on his bed.

"Uh...I guess it's nearly time for this beast to go to bed," he joked.

Vincent nodded slowly, exiting the bed. He went to pass Cid to leave the room. One of the man's hands reached out and touched his own metal hand, nearly jerking back from the coldness of it. Luckily for Cid, he didn't.

"Vin..." At a loss for words, he reached out, his fingers trembling right above a section of long raven hair. Vincent turned his head away and kept walking. The pilot's hand dropped to his side and he closed his eyes in frustration.

* * *

Vincent threw himself onto the couch, burying his face in the pillows. 'Idiot! That was cruel,' he thought self-loathingly.

_Of course it was cruel. That's the only emotion you've shown him._

Vincent cringed, not in the mood for Chaos' antagonizing words. The others never talked anymore unless they were summoned. He would have preferred one of them urging him to kill something rather than Chaos' cold, calculated torment.

'Where did he come from...' Vincent wondered. 'Did Hojo create him just to torment me, or did he exist before...?'

_I come from that place in your chest. It's called your heart._

"No, you don't," he growled softly. The raven-haired man sighed and leaned back, trying to relax. That wasn't likely to happen.

_Wouldn't it be lovely to kill him in his sleep? Rip out his throat, claw open his abdomen. Or maybe you have something else in mind...something involving his lower anatomy..._

Vincent gritted his teeth, trying desperately to ignore Chaos' words.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?"

_Oh, but it's so much fun tormenting you. And you know I can't do that, Valentine. I AM you. How could I ever let you forget that?_

The tortured man didn't respond to the demon. He closed his eyes, envisioning sleep in his mind.

* * *

Cid didn't want to face Vincent that morning. He was feeling especially discouraged in his efforts to get the pale man to trust him. He lit another cigarette, the third one in an hour. 'This ain't good,' he thought. 'Three fuckin' cigs and I haven't even been up that long. I'm lettin' this shit get to me.' He put his forehead to the cool tabletop, groaning.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck," he exhaled. "Fuck." He sat up and rested his head in his palm. 'Maybe I should write him a letter or somethin'. People always do that in those sappy movies Shera watched. 'A letter...and what would I write? Dear Vin, I'm sick of this moping shit and ya just need to trust me. Yeah, not to mention I wanna throw ya down and - "

His thoughts were interrupted as Vincent entered the kitchen. He gave Cid a small smile, hesitantly sitting down at the table near him.

"Good morning..." Vincent said softly. He looked up when Cid didn't respond after a minute. Cid was staring at him with an intense expression, his eyes locking with Vincent's. The latter shifted uncomfortably, wanting to break the eye contact but unwilling to do so. Finally, Cid spoke, but averted his eyes first.

"Vin...I just want ya to know...I love you. I don't care if you _never_ love me back, I just want ya to know that that's how I feel. I mean it."

Red eyes blinked, unable to express anything but outright shock at the bold words. Reason told Vincent that he should bolt, leave and never return. His heart, however, forced him to stay seated, staring incredulously at the pilot across from him. Said pilot was fidgeting slightly, his cheeks flushed and eyes nervous.

"......" Vincent was sure that he had meant to say something, that words were supposed to be coming out of his mouth. Of course, nothing ever went as planned.

'He almost died for me,' Vincent remembered. He could think of thousands of reasons why he could, _should_ trust Cid Highwind. So many reasons why he should love him... He was loyal, truthful, certainly better than Lucrecia ever was, and he was persistent. Most of all, he loved Vincent.

_I wouldn't count on it._

'I don't doubt him, Chaos.'

_Then why do you hesitate? Why do you hide?_

'...Because I doubt myself...'

He heard Cid sigh. It was a sad, resigned sigh. The blonde man began to stand.

"Wait!" Vincent heard himself whisper. Cid paused and looked at him.

"What?"

A faint blush spread across the pale man's cheeks.

"I don't know...I just don't want you to leave..."

The blonde man blinked, his heart speeding up with hope. Retaking his seat, Cid glanced at Vincent and smiled.

"Ya know, you look fuckin' gorgeous when you blush like that."

Vincent's cheeks flamed even redder and he started to lower his head. Cid's palm suddenly cradled the man's chin and he lifted Vincent's head back up. The raven-haired man was startled by the intensity of the blue eyes staring into his. Slowly, so as not to startle him, Cid leaned forward and placed his lips over Vincent's. He felt the man stiffen beneath him. Slowly, he moved his lips against Vincent's, pulling their bodies together gently.

Vincent's mind panicked. 'What do I do?!' it screamed as Cid Highwind's lips possessed his. He felt his body being tugged, felt the warm heat of Cid's chest hovering near his own. The man smelled of cigarette smoke and, strangely, chamomile. Vincent felt his heart pump more furiously as he breathed in the scent.

_Your body wants him._

He tried to ignore Chaos as he felt his mouth being invaded, indeed, violated, by Cid's tongue.

_Just give in to it. Let him._

'Let him,' Vincent thought dreamily, his defenses weakening with every passing second. His body felt like it was on fire, and his mouth opened for Cid. He closed his eyes, which only magnified the exquisite sensations he was being pounded with. Dimly, he heard himself mewl softly.

_Mewl! Like a cat! Honestly..._

But he didn't hear Chaos' muttering. The only sound he heard was his blood rushing, his heard thumping. The painfully sweet feeling of his erection only mutely alarmed him. His body and Cid's were pressed together, as if each was trying to swallow the other.

_So you're going to fuck him?_

Vincent stopped suddenly, the monster's crude words reaching past his lust, pulling him back into his senses. He pushed away from Cid, having to use more strength than he preferred to.

"Vin?" The _Highwind_ pilot tried to reach out for him, but Vincent raised a slender, pale hand to stop him.

"No...I cannot be touched right now. It is...too much. Too much..."

He slumped down in his chair, holding his head in his hands. He was waiting for his lust to abide, trying not to succumb to it yet again. He had been foolish to give in to such feelings, to open himself up to the same vulnerability which Lucrecia had used to crush his heart.

Cid took a deep, shuddering breath. He was terribly disappointed, but that was life. 'I'm used to shit like that, anyway. 'Sides, what am I gonna do, rape him? I gotta wait...just wait. At least I got a kiss from him. Usually, I'd be damn lucky to get a handshake.'

"I am sorry, Cid," Vincent whispered.

The blonde man shrugged, laughing it off.

"Hey, don't be sorry - I'm not! Or be sorry more often." He gave a false grin to reassure his love.

Vincent stared at the man as he stood and pulled another cigarette out from his seemingly endless stash. Lighting it, he stood with his back toward the taller man, staring out the window silently.

Defeated by both himself and Cid, Vincent carefully stood, walking into the living room and sat on his couch-bed. 'This is going to be a very long day...'

* * *

Tifa ran up to Cid, nearly knocking him down in her excitement. He lifted his arm slightly, protecting his precious cigarette so he could enjoy it before entering the hospital.

"She woke up! She was awake long enough for the nurses to get some water in her, but she woke up! Isn't this great?!"

"Yeah...puff So I guess I don't hafta come here every fuckin' day now outta guilt, huh?"

Tifa gave him a reproachful look.

"So how are you healing?"

Cid shrugged. "Pretty damn good. Don't gotta wear that stupid sling, anyway."

"They couldn't get you to wear it. How would you light your cigarette, after all?" Vincent's remark startled them, both for its sarcasm and the fact that he had even spoken.

Cid looked at him, startled, but then began to laugh.

"Well, if that ain't a fuckin' surprise. We all knew ya had it in ya, Vin."

The pale man blushed, looking at the ground. Tifa looked from one man to the other, coughing delicately.

"Well, I thought you would want to know. She should be okay from here on out...we'll just have to watch out for her." Tifa smiled, waving goodbye to her two comrades.

**Returning the gesture, the blonde man glanced secretively toward his companion, who was watching Tifa as she retreated.**

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

Crimson eyes turned to regard Cid, hiding the surprise in their depths.

"...I was thinking of how peaceful the others seem."

Cid grunted, smoke billowing around him.

"Ya think it's 'cause they're not in danger now, that they got what they wanted in life? If ya think about it," he mused, "Cloud and Tifa have each other, Barrett's got Marlene ta take care of, Red knows about his dad, Reeve's not tied down by fuckin' Shinra no more..." His voice trailed off slightly.

"But us? We don't have anything. I don't know what it is you want... and I can't have the one thing I want in this world."

Vincent looked at him, his face carefully devoid of feeling.

"You can always rebuild the rocket..."

Cid rolled his eyes. "Fuck the rocket! That's not what I'm talkin' about and you know it!"

The pale man flinched slightly, looking down at the ground, his thick hair shielding him. He seemed to be having effort breathing properly.

"I...Why don't you see it?! Everyone else does - why don't you? I'm a monster! I'm not even human anymore, Highwind. Don't you understand what that means?!"

His outburst caught Cid off guard, his pale eyes widening. Not easily shaken, however, the resilient man quickly grabbed one pale arm and dragged his companion over to the waiting Chocobo. Mounting it and turning awkwardly to face Vincent made him wish for the old days when automobiles were in style.

"I thought we'd been through this, Vin," he started, careful to keep his voice low. "Shit, have ya forgotten how long we've been travelin' together? If you were a monster, I'da figured it out by now. Besides, give an old man _some_ credit. I'm not an idiot, Vincent. I wish ya could trust me, but yer stuck with me one way or another. 'Cause I ain't never lettin' ya go, not 'til this corpse is rottin' in the ground." His eyes lit with sudden excitement.

"Hey! I just got an idea that'll help." He studied his hopefully future lover, trying to figure out how to say the words.

"Why don't ya, you know, move in with me... There's Shera's old room, if ya don't feel like sleepin' with me an' all. C'mon, Vin, it'll be good for us both. Please."

The last word had a pleading undertone to it, one that Vincent heard all too clearly. The sullen man was torn. 'Cid...I just wish I could let go, let you hold me... I wish I could tell you that none of this is your fault.'

"I do not believe that it-"

"Dammit, Vin! What _do_ you believe, then? Yer the only fuckin' thing that matters in my life, but I can't stand anymore of this bullshit! Just tell me_ something_, anything except 'I don't know'!"

Vincent did the only thing he could think of - he slapped Cid. The blonde man stared at his ruby eyes in shock, unable to utter a single word before the ex-Turk was off, running too fast to catch up with.

* * *

Cid lay down on his nice, cozy bed, cigarette in tow. His usually clear eyes were troubled; he hadn't been able to find Vincent, and had been forced to return to Rocket Town without him. 'Gods, I hope he's alright. Poor Vin...I don't mean ta push ya away like that, but I hate this! Ah, there I go again, dumbshit that I am...' He turned his head to the side, feeling a burning in his eyes that was suspiciously similar to tears. 'I just keep fuckin' up.'

"C-Cid..."

The pilot sat up to see Vincent peeking through the doorframe. The man looked too pale, he noticed, and was shivering.

"Cid, I'm sorry. I...I don't know why I cannot seem to allow myself to become close to you. Nor do I know why you haven't given up on me yet. I think...I think you may be right about my moving in, however. Perhaps that will help. Please forgive me."

"Heh, no problem babe. Why don'tcha come over here, though. Ya look like yer freezin'."

Vincent complied, sitting beside Cid, who wrapped his arms around the former. He kissed that soft, black hair, loving the way that Vincent clung to him. It was as if he was melting, feeling that soft hair and even softer skin. Somewhere in his mind, Cid realized that he was enjoying the moment too much, but the thought never got through to him. He could feel Vincent's body trembling against his own.

"Hey, Vin, will you do somethin' for me? Ya don't have to, but...Well, never mind," Highwind muttered.

Crimson eyes peeked up, focusing on blonde stubble.

"What is it?"

Cid laughed nervously. "Heh, well...wouldja let me kiss ya? Just one kiss. Please."

Vincent looked at the man skeptically, but knew how much damage he would do if he said no. Sitting up reluctantly, the dark man nodded.

Taking his opportunity, the pilot leaned inward gently, as not to distress his companion. He closed his eyes when he felt the other's soft lips underneath his own.

'Please enjoy this, please enjoy this,' he thought, worried that Vincent's reaction would not be enthusiastic, despite his consent.

Vincent let Cid kiss him, ignoring Chaos' taunting and his own trepidation. He remembered the sensation of being kissed by the older man, however, and felt his face flush slightly despite the cold. 'Sweet...and warm...' He knew that he cared for Cid, but was that enough? Nothing he had ever done had been enough. Not enough to stop Hojo, or to save Lucrecia...

He was startled out of his misery as he felt Cid's body meld closer into his. Dimly, a panic button went off in Vincent's mind, but he had already started to respond to the tempting kiss. Maybe he was even _pulling_ Cid's body toward his own.

_Do you realize just how weak you are? Resorting to clinging to that idiot?_

The dark-haired man cringed slightly. 'Chaos...'

He felt the pilot's arms tighten around him, however, further spreading warmth throughout his body. He wanted that heat so badly, that security that he felt when he was around the gruff man.

"Highwind..." His voice was thick with want. Vincent leaned upward again, pressing their lips together firmly. Not one to miss an opportunity, Cid's response was immediate, his arms sliding across the frail man's back and over his pale skin. Vincent, possessed by desire suddenly, ran his slender fingers through the man's blonde locks, causing Cid to groan in approval as he continued to assault the ex-Turk's senses. He kissed that pale neck, running his tongue experimentally over the half-hidden collarbone, then frowned.

"Take this off," he grunted, tugging at Vincent's nightshirt.

Nervous red eyes met blue. 'Trust me,' he told him through that gaze. Shakily, Vincent complied, beginning to remove the garment but letting Cid take over halfway through. Reverently, he pulled the shirt off of his love, holding him tightly for a moment when he shivered.

"Yer so fuckin' beautiful, Vin. My god, so beautiful..."

Chaos snickered in the lonely man's mind. _Listen to this idiot lie. He just wants to get you-_

Chaos was silenced abruptly as Cid continued his assault full-force. His tongue glided over one dark, puckered nipple, causing Vincent to yelp in surprise and pleasure. He had never felt such sensations before, never been so needful. It frightened him, yet he couldn't help but trust Cid not to hurt him. He was Vincent's only friend, after all.

Cid knew what he wanted to do to the pale, dark man. 'Just get lower, Highwind. If ya can get this far, just go a little lower...just go slow...'

He watched and listened for Vincent's reactions throughout his delicate ministrations, his mind occupied by his ultimate goal for the night. Already, he had reduced the man to putty. Already, he was ignoring his own raging desire.

"Vin," he murmured, playing his tongue down the man's abdomen.

The victim of his assault cried out softly, his body screaming at him. 'I want this,' he realized. 'Even if it's just once, I want this so much...'

* * *

Chaos didn't speak to Vincent again that night, doubtlessly too shocked for words. As for Vincent himself, he was struggling to regain use of his lungs, dimly aware that his throat burned from the abuse he had put it through. He glanced over at the usually crass pilot, catching the man already staring at him. His baby-blue eyes swirled with emotions that both moved and frightened Vincent.

"Vin...I really hope ya don't go back ta bein' all reclusive with me after that. I mean, fuck. I want ya to be able ta trust me. An' I think that lettin' me suck you off takes some trust. Am I right?"

The man's blunt words brought heat to Vincent's cheeks, but he nodded.

"I believe you are right, Cid. It does...take trust. I..." He sighed, not accustomed to explaining his emotions. "I feel safe with you, as if nothing could hurt me. The only thing that spoils it is the fact that I _know_ I can still be hurt. But I am beginning to realize that you won't be the one to hurt me, Cid."

He smiled weakly, his body still recovering from the night's events.

_You feel so good now, Valentine, but look how selfish you are. What have you done for him? Nothing. Nothing at all. You take and take, but never give. That's why you failed Lucrecia, and why you'll fail him, too._

Vincent furrowed his brows, lowering his head.

"Cid...I didn't...didn't do anything for you..."

The pilot blinked, realizing what his companion was referring to. He laughed nervously, scratching his head.

"Aw, don'tcha worry 'bout that, Vin. I'm just glad that ya let me get close to _you_."

Pained ruby eyes met his. "Are you sure, Cid?"

"Fuck yeah. This ain't about sex, Vin. It's about love, 'cause I love you. Just havin' you here with me, in my arms, is enough to let me die a happy man."

As happened only with Cid, Vincent was yet again out of words.

* * *

It seemed easy enough for him to express how he felt about the raven-haired beauty, but Cid Highwind was not an 'emotional' type person (or so he claimed). He hated having to throw his heart out in the open again and again, risking having it destroyed by the one he loved. And it had hurt him, _very_ much, to be repeatedly rejected by Vincent. But what could he do? Give up? To give up on Vincent Valentine would be to allow himself to die.

"He's my life," the pilot muttered to himself. His heart was surprisingly light that day, however. Vincent had slept in his bed the night before, wrapping his thin, pale arms around Cid. The memory made the gruff man smile.

His musings were interrupted as he heard a cough next to him. He glanced down, greeted by groggy eyes.

"What're _you_ doin' here, old man?"

He lit a cigarette, ignoring the obvious 'no smoking' sign.

"Thought I'd just let yer ass rot here? What happened to the tough ninja act, huh? Ready ta admit yer no better than the resta us?"

Yuffie snorted. "Hardly. What do want, anyway? Don't tell me you're here for advice on yer love life."

"Dun need it," he mumbled, turning his head away and puffing on the Marlboro.

The dark-haired girl sat up, an odd gleam in her eyes.

"_Really_ now? Ohh, do tell! I knew you'd get Vinny in bed sooner or later! Hah!"

He glared at her. "I didn't 'get him in bed', brat. Not that it's yer business, anyway. He moved in with me the other day."

"Aww, isn't that just so sweet. Sugary sweet." Yuffie batted her eyelashes.

"Sooo...didja bring me anything. Maybe...a get well materia?"

Cid laughed despite himself. "Maybe you shoulda stayed unconscious longer, huh."

"Hey!"

Vincent paced the living room in Rocket Town, anxious for Cid's return. 'How do I act? After what happened last night...' He sighed, lowering his head and warded off a headache.

_Why not just become his little slut? You were just begging for it, after all._

"Stop it," the dark man growled, frustrated with his inner demons.

_Or what?_

"...I'll kill you."

_Idiot. We're part of you - inseparable._

"I know."


	3. Part 3

Author's note - Sorry it took me so horribly long to get this part out! I had some serious writer's block with this part, and it's a bit shorter than the previous two. Still, I hope you guys like it, and I'm relieved to finally have it finished!

* * *

Cid fumbled with the house key, pushing the front door open. Since his visit to Yuffie, he had stopped at the store for groceries and several mechanical supplies. The crisp, cool sky was pink with the setting of the sun. He shrugged his tattered coat off, anxious to see Vincent again. Air slightly warmer than outside greeted him as he set down his bags and closed the door. He put the groceries up hurriedly. 'I'm pretty damn sure that I just put a wrench in the 'fridge, too,' he thought absently. He left his mechanical supplies on the dining table, too intent on seeing his beloved to bother with them.

"Vin?" he called out. The sound of the television in his room alerted him to Vincent's whereabouts. The bedroom door was cracked. Cid peeked inside, grinning at the image of the normally stoic man frowning at the screen and muttering.

"Of course she doesn't want to marry you now, you slept with her sister. Marriage is a bond of trust… How could Felicia do that to her, anyway? Her _sister's _fiancé!"

Apparently he was watching an evening soap opera and getting rather involved in the storyline at that. The door creaking slightly alerted Vincent to Cid's presence and he had the grace to blush at his uncharacteristic behavior.

"I was…um…"

The blonde man laughed, entering the room and closing the door gently.

"Ya don't need ta explain it to me, babe. I lived with Shera long enough ta get used to it. Ya won't believe how loud that woman can yell, though. Ya'd think it was her own fuckin' life on the tube."

Vincent smiled slightly, stretching his arms a bit. The pilot sat down on the bed next to him, watching him for a moment.

"Yuffie's doin' good, Vinny. She's as much of a smartass as always, so she must be recovering well."

The ebony-haired man nodded in relief. He had been concerned for her long-term well-being. Still, the thought of hospitals made him shudder.

"Cid, do you… Do you think that…"

Baby blue eyes blinked in curiosity. "Go on."

Vincent paused. "Do you think Chaos is a threat? I mean, I know he's been relatively dormant as of late, but…that in itself worries me."

"He's nothin' we can't handle together, Vin. Don'tcha worry 'bout that bastard. You're stronger than him. You always have been."

"Thank you, Cid."

The blonde pilot grinned. "Anyway, how 'bout we finished watchin' this dinky soap opera together, huh."

* * *

Vincent had been eyeing Cid for over thirty minutes. He would pretend to watch the TV. for a minute, then sneak a glance at the man next to him.

'My heart is pounding…and I can't stop thinking of what he did to me last night… Oh gods, my body is burning. This is so embarrassing…'

_Indeed, it is quite embarrassing. Seeing you fawn over him like some lost puppy makes me truly ill._

But even Chaos' belittling could not sway his attention from Cid.

"…Highwind?"

"Hm?"

"…Nothing."

Vincent's calling him 'Highwind' didn't escape the pilot's notice, nor did the rather bright blush on his creamy cheeks. But Cid didn't say anything.

'He doesn't realize that I know he's been watchin' me for a while now. Heh…he's so cute when he acts like that.'

"Heya, Vin, why don't you lie down an' we can continue from where we left off yesterday."

Vincent blinked, his face burning with embarrassment. He suddenly felt self-conscious again, like he had felt when Cid had first started propositioning him.

"Cid…"

The blonde man noted his partner's uneasiness and shrugged.

"Well, it ain't that important, anyway. I'm kinda beat, myself. How 'bout we just go ta sleep, eh?"

"…If you wish, Cid." Vincent cringed at the passiveness in his own voice.

_Weak. As always, you are nothing but weak. A puppet. Everyone's puppet. Cid's puppet._

_

* * *

_

Vincent stirred, ebony hair resting on his face. He grimaced, pushing the thick strands out of the way so he could see. His sleep-blurred vision cleared after a minute and he realized that Cid was not beside him.

_Scare him off already, Valentine? See, all he wants from you is sex. You refuse, he leaves._

"Shut up, Chaos," the man growled softly. It was too early for such taunting. Nonetheless, the former Turk couldn't help but feel a rush of anxiety at the thought. He stood quickly, hurrying to the kitchen. He sighed in relief at seeing Cid standing in front of the oven, cigarette between his lips.

"Mornin' Vin!," the pilot greeted, scratching his blonde stubble absently.

He stirred something in a pot on the range, frowning at it.

"Eh, it's s'posed ta be oatmeal, but it's kinda…dead. There's some eggs on the table that're getting' cold by now, though. And I've got some bacon in the oven…though I probably shoulda cooked it in a pan, but I'm usin' all two of 'em, so…"

Vincent nearly laughed aloud at the domesticity of his comrade. Smiling, he took a seat, surprised to find the eggs already on a plate and ready to eat.

"Thank you, Cid."

The blonde man glanced over, grinning. "Not a prob., babe. Anything for you," he winked.

The pale man blushed, picking up his fork and gingerly tasting the eggs. They were tough and bland, but he smiled and ate them anyway. Pleased with his companion's response, Cid went back to the bacon, humming to himself.

Vincent continued to eat the eggs, pausing when a small plate of semi-burnt bacon was set before him. He looked up at the other man, who only shrugged embarrassedly. After a moment, Cid sat down next to Vincent, resting his chin on his palm and watching his companion eat.

"Am I truly that interesting to watch?"

"Yeah, well…more interestin' than workin' on a carburetor."

Vincent's arched eyebrow rose.

"How flattering."

Again, Cid shrugged. He pulled out a fresh cigarette and lit it, inhaling the nicotine. He turned his head away from Vincent to let out the smoke.

"'Sides," Cid continued, "a carburetor is big an' lumpy, it's all oily and shit, it's just a hunk of inanimate metal. Nothin' real interestin' there, if ya ask me. But you," he said, pointing his cigarette at Vincent, "you are big an' warm, ya smell nice an' have clean hair, and you're warm and nice ta cuddle with. It'd be pretty fuckin' hard to snuggle up next to a carburetor, don't ya think?"

"…I, too, am made of metal."

Cid growled, slapping his forehead in exasperation.

"Stop makin' yerself sound like the fuckin' Tin Man, Vin! You're a helluva lot more fuckin' human than anything else, dammit! Fuck, a good breakfast ruined…"

He stood and went to lean on the counter, his back to the other man. Vincent blinked, wincing inwardly as a wave of guilt coursed through him.

"…I'm sorry, Cid…" he whispered.

The blonde man turned to look at his apologetic companion.

"Eh. S'kay. Ya…ya just gotta stop all this self-loathin' shit. I mean, what do I got to do to make ya feel special?"

"I _do_ feel special, Cid. Whenever I'm with you, I feel so…important. But I don't believe that I deserve such treatment. You are far too good to someone like me…"

The pilot sighed, tired of hearing the same old argument. He snuffed out the cigarette, tossing it into an over-flowing trash can.

"Vin, have ya looked at me lately? I mean, I'm thirty-two, I ain't exactly no playboy, I cuss worse than a sailor, an' I'm a fuckin' bachelor. You think _you're_ not worthy of _me_? Don't flatter me, babe. Compared to me, you're a prince."

Vincent remained silent, realizing that he had yet again upset Cid.

_Nothing unusual there. You have quite a talent for that, don't you._

He cringed, gritting his teeth. Surely, he should apologize. It would be wrong for him not to. Cid had only wanted to do something nice for him, and he had ruined it yet again. It was always his fault. Not once had the other man done anything that should have logically upset Vincent.

_It took you long enough to realize that._

Vincent just shook his head silently, eyes fixed on the scarred table.

* * *

The scrape of a match and a sulfuric smell were Cid Highwind's only companions. He closed his pale blue eyes and leaned back against the headboard of his bed, his mind swirling in endless circles.

'He's like one of those old-fashioned uptight guys…' he thought. 'All prim an' proper an' traditional…' Suddenly, he jumped up, the cigarette nearly falling from his half-parted lips.

"That's it!" he murmured as he stood, fumbling for clean paper in the nightstand drawer. "Can't believe I never realized this before…"

* * *

_He's probably writing you a farewell letter. A rather rude one, I anticipate._

Vincent closed his eyes for a moment, attempting to banish Chaos' voice from his mind. He had been watching Cid write something for two days. The gruff man would chew on his pencil, scribble something down quickly, then erase it with a growl. He had nearly worn a hole in the paper the day before.

"What are you writing?" he had asked the blonde man.

"Nuthin'."

Vincent blinked at Cid's uncharacteristic secrecy. After a moment, the other man set down the paper and sighed.

"It's nuthin' Vin, really. Just somethin' I've been musin' over lately."

The dark-haired man nodded slowly, his face not revealing his thoughts.

_Perhaps it's a letter to that abominable woman. Shera, was it? Asking her to return to him since you've turned out to be so disappointing…_

'…I'm not concerning myself with your lies.'

_Then why bother responding?_

'…'

_I thought so._

Vincent stood, startling his companion.

"…I think I will retire now…"

Cid stared at him for a moment, unsure what to say.

"Heh. Sure. Um, have a good night, Vin."

The pilot watched as Vincent left the room, then sighed, setting the paper down and cradling his head in his hand.

"Fuck," he mumbled. "Fuck fuck fuck…"

* * *

Vincent awoke the next morning to the delightful smell of bacon, muffins, and hash browns. For a moment, he thought that he was in the wrong house. However, the same dull painted walls and musty cigarette smell reassured him. He sat up, rubbing his eyes with a pale hand. He ambled into the bathroom for a minute, coming out slightly refreshed and very hungry. He followed his nose into the kitchen. Cid was standing next to the table in a fairly new sweater and jeans, his face clean shaven. The table was set simply, and Vincent noted that the food must have come from elsewhere, for Cid certainly hadn't cooked it. The said man smiled nervously, indicating for Vincent to sit down.

"I, uh, thought this up a few days ago. Not the food thing, just…well, have a seat and I'll show ya."

He fumbled with his pocket, pulling out the worn piece of paper. He unfolded it, clearing his throat. Vincent watched him curiously.

"I've been writin' this…You're so, er, old-fashioned and shit that, uh…Well…fuck."

Giving up on the explanation, Cid just began to read:

When I met you, my life was dull, incomplete

Then I saw your eyes, so lonely and so sweet.

I tried hard not to love you, not to feel like I do

But each time I saw you, my heart kindled anew.

It's true I'm not the smartest man, and I've made my mistakes

Yet every day I know you, I try harder for your sake.

Vin, you are so beautiful, you're all I'll ever know

Please say you'll stay with me, so our love can only grow.

He didn't look up when he finished, instead simply standing there awkwardly.

Vincent stared at him in shock, unable to even speak. The words of the poem kept racing through his mind.

"…You…you wrote that…for me?"

Cid nodded, scratching his head nervously.

Vincent couldn't stop staring, his heart pounding. 'If he means all those things… Oh Cid…' He didn't know what to say. Never a verbose person, Vincent felt especially out of place as his mind grappled for the right words.

_You're pathetic' would work quite nicely._

Chaos' words broke his concentration, and he finally had to say something.

"Give me a minute…"

Cid nodded, sitting slowly across from him. He picked up his fork, stabbing absently at a green as he watched the other man's struggle.

"It's a beautiful poem..." Vincent murmured.

Cid smiled weakly.

"You think? I'm not much of a poet, ya know, so..."

The dark-haired man shook his head.

"No, it was very good. I just can't believe...that you would write that for...me..."

Cid shrugged, at a loss for what to say.

"You're worth it, Vin. And...I meant every word of it."

Vincent stared at his companion in awe. 'Of course you mean it...you spent two days writing eight lines of poetry. All for me...'

"Thank you, Cid," was all he could manage in response.

The pilot sighed, a defeated look entering his eyes.

"Heh...yeah, no problem... Uh, I'm gonna go work on the Highwind, alright?" He stood and left, not waiting for an answer.

Vincent stared at Cid's untouched plate. 'I have to repay him somehow... He's done so much for me, cared so much. Surely there is something I can do in return?'

_Decapitation sounds fitting._

He frowned, an idea coming into his mind that he wasn't entirely sure he liked.

* * *

Cid growled, throwing the wrench to the ground with a clank. His face burned with his perceived humiliation.

"Write him a fuckin' poem...all I get is 'thank you, Cid'...the fuck's up with that? Two fuckin' days workin' on that shit..."

He sighed, resting his arms on his knees.

"What a nightmare..."

He was beginning to doubt that he would ever be able to get through to Vincent. After all, he had been trying for so long already. And though he loved the stoic man deeply, he realized that you simply can't change a person if they refuse to let you.

"Naw, but if I give up now, Vin'll think I don't really love him. Shit. I'm fucked no matter what I do..."

He stared at the Highwind blankly, unable to concentrate on his task.

* * *

Vincent bit his lip, trying to concentrate on his project. He found that the more he thought about what he was doing, the more difficult it became. 'How am I supposed to put these thoughts on paper? I assumed it would be easier than speaking them aloud, but...' He tapped the pencil absently, beginning to think it was a bad idea from the start.

_Then leave, if you can't even write a simple letter. Do you really think you're worthy of him if you can't manage this one task for his sake?_

Vincent growled, not happy to hear his demon's voice undermining him yet again.

"I will finish this," he said with determination.

_Of course you will. A suicide note would be lovely... I'm sure he's quite curious to know if you're capable of dying._

"Funny," the pale man muttered, trying to concentrate. He wrote several words, only to erase them immediately. 'For all my supposed eloquence, this is very difficult...' He finally set the pencil down, leaning back. Thoughts came unbidden to his mind. He reminisced of his love for Lucretcia, and the pain of that loss.

_Ah, now there was a nice piece of -_

'Shut up...'

_Perhaps if you had thought more along those lines, she would not have cast you aside like the worthless bag of flesh you are._

'...Cid doesn't think so. He loves me for what I am.'

_He also smokes like a chimney and curses worse than a drunken sailor. Do you truly trust his judgment that much?_

'Despite his flaws, Chaos, he has never lied to me. And he has not allowed any harm to come to me, even when he had to risk himself to prevent it.'

He sighed, pressing the lead to the paper. 'I will get this written,' he thought with determination.

* * *

"I cannot do it," Vincent stated dryly as Cid entered the kitchen the next morning. The pale man sat at the table tensely. The pilot stared at him from the doorway, his heart speeding up. A heavy feeling of dread filled him, and he sighed.

"Can't do what?" he murmured, taking a seat opposite the man. He lit a cigarette, drawing the nicotine into his mouth gratefully. Vincent leaned his elbows on the table, resting his forehead against his palms.

"I tried to...to write a letter to you. But I couldn't..."

Cid smiled slightly, a wave of relief washing through him.

"Ah, is that all? Fuck, you had me worried there, Vin. Honestly, don't scare me like that!"

"I thought that if I wrote you a letter, it would be easier to tell you how I feel..." he said, lowering his head. Once again, he felt inadequate. 'He does so much for me,' the dark-haired man thought, 'and what do I give him in return?'

_Headaches, I imagine. And heartache... It really would be in everyone's best interest for you to leave._

'No...I'm not listening to you. Not this time,' he thought firmly. Lowering his arms to the tabletop, he looked at his companion. Could he do this? What would it mean if he did?

"Cid...I...do you love me?" he asked softly.

The blonde looked at him in surprise, smiling slightly.

"'Course I do, babe. You know I love ya."

Vincent sighed, his hands shaking slightly.

"Well...I want you to know...that I..."

The pilot reached across the table, resting his hand over his companion's.

"Ya don't gotta tell me nuthin', Vin. It's okay."

He shook his head, looking worriedly at the suddenly fascinating tabletop.

"No, please...I need to say this. Cid, I...I love you," he whispered.

The blonde's mouth gaped open, his cigarette dropping to the table.

"Y-yeah? Shit... Look, it ain't gonna be easy, ya know? I mean, I know how hard this is for ya, and...uh...fuck."

"It will be okay, Cid. I promise," Vincent reassured quietly.

The pilot scratched his head, laughing nervously.

"So...yer not gonna leave me, then?"

The pale man stood, coming to stand next to his companion's chair. Cid stood as well, reaching out to wrap his arms around the taller man.

"I meant what I said," the ex-Turk whispered.

Cid's arms tightened around the slim figure, and he sniffed slightly.

"I know, babe."

Vincent smiled to himself.

"Cid...are you crying?"

"Shut up."


End file.
